Sometimes it's a struggle to be alone with my thoughts , sometimes everything is just too much. I try to study and all of a sudden my brain starts wondering if this is worth my time and effort , I try to work out and the empty space between sets is filled with this pounding sense of dread. Same thing every day, I read a book and one insightful passage leads me into a mental tangent of isolation melancholy and a sense of false reality. even when I try to simply close my eyes and drift off into sleep I feel the knots in my stomach the dizzying speed of my anxieties and Self doubts whizz through my mind and I come to regret that coffee .I had a little too close to dinner and so I do what I always do , I spend a few desperate moments shifting through my sheets until I find my little Black-box ,my pacifier and I take the plunge; Instagram and YouTube; my eyes are completely fixed and I bask in that blue blissful light , finally my brain goes quiet .
It's a magical tool to be able to quell every fear and moment of discomfort by simply transporting yourself into the world of dance trends , outreaching politics and online shopping it feels just real enough for you to care and to give your time to but not enough to really cause any harm , even when you scroll past an article describing the fact that earth is past its tipping point and you read the 100 or so comments explaining why we will likely die out as a species before 2030 .you're only ever really one or two taps away from total amnesia sure that stuff is real but it's just as real as this thread arguing over feminism and , oh this one about the artistic decline of your favorite TV shows now that's more to your current appetite and to know as your eyeballs are glued that , all of these little mechanisms are watching you predicting your next step and throwing out bait to see if you'll bite as you continue scrolling and clicking . you encourage the formation of your very own algorithmic self composed of your most basic wishes and desires , it forms a body without organs filled with yearning and potentialities avoiding systemic constraints. you may not consider yourself to be materialistic but the algorithm knows just how long you lingered over those new shoes sure you wouldn't consider yourself to be some sort of pervert who actively searches for semi nude people dancing , but active interest isn't the requirement here your algorithmic self is passive and forever yearning for the next flashy novelty to pop up on your screen and your phone has all the receipts .
Eventually algorithmic technology will have primary influence over the composition of our desires that is if it hasn't already , we've given full permission for these things to monitor us at the weakest of moments alone in bed , in line at the store , on a trip with your family . Just like a funhouse mirror it reflects the mental and emotional space of these desperate minutes and hours with subtle distortions, subtle enough for you to venture further and further until your sense of self has unknowingly shifted ever closer to the algorithm. it's a fair trade-off right a little bit of me for way too much of you. except that you probably have way more of me than I could even begin to , the stupid questions that I googled, the Personal DM's that changed ,my life my childhood photos . but even knowing what we know does it change anything we are feeble creatures, lonely, horny and hungry for content . To be alone with ourselves is torture ,to be aware and perceptive is to exist in a state of self-torment rather than inform ourselves of the crumbling reality we were born into. why not plunge further into one that is shaped just for us give it a few years and maybe that's the only reality that’s left.!
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